Day 4: Naked Scottish Man

Day 4

'I've found some hidden treasure, loads of gold coins and an amulet. I don't want to tell anybody, I've hidden it under Chaba bar'.

This is what I wrote on waking up last night. Not sure how to interpret it.

Luckily haven't seen the Thai bird today, really don't want to see her tonight.Feel a bit harsh telling her to just fuck off, because Thai people are so nice.

We lazed about on the beach, lacing a footy about and dossing in the warm sea, pissing on each other. Me and Henry had a boxing fight. I lost, hands down, he got a cracking shot to my ribs which sent me under the water, where he then threw a sly knee to my face and a right across the back of my head. I was beaten. But Manny Porkiao doesn't quit that easily.



Got the shits, so I sat quite close to the apartment, reading 'Kitchen Confidential'. I've decided I want to become both a top chef and a heroin addict. Maybe that will win Lara (Carly) back. Doubtful.

Had another Thai massage. This time it was without the happy ending. Felt so calm. Watching the sea rolling in, covered in oil, a semi pressed against my inner thigh, a lovely smelling smiling Thai woman massaging my back and hands. Ah, fuck it was perfect. Harry's nipples were getting tugged, and she was massaging his knuckles which were still broken when he had to kneecap somebody with his fists back in Newcastle.

I love this country. Everything I've seen in Koh Tao is beautiful. The monsoon headed back over. Waiting for it to come reminds me of the bit in Lord of the Rings where the 'FOOL OF A TOOK' knocks the skeleton down the well and they hear the sound of the orcs start to march towards them.

The Thai bird followed me again, so I shot the bull to her and said I had a girlfriend and was really sorry. It didn't go down too well, and I'm probably going to get stabbed by her brother. I just can't help hurting girls like that. The smooth Porker. Colonel. I'd say the real Doctor Love, but we gave that title to Mo after he pulled Henry's bird. The Arab Doctor Love is perhaps more apt. Or (as we later found out) The Virgin Doctor. Chin up Mo, your secret isn't safe with me.

We met two birds from Leeds, sitting drinking buckets of Thai whiskey in Lotus Bar. Harry absoloutely pigged one. I've never seen anything like it. She was a big fat 'munter', and he was being smooth Harry, putting his hand on her rolls of fat, and trying to get over Sharmi, but failing. I told the blonde, who was good looking, that she looked like the girl from The Ting Tings- she didn't take it well.

Then we were sitting on chairs outside of ours, eating pancakes that an old Thai woman had cooked up for us, covered in sugar and apple and banana drinking more beers, and the Dutch wanker was telling us to keep quiet, so we laughed and all got naked and ran into the sea, and it was at this point that we realised that a Scottish man had joined our party and was naked as well, and next thing I knew he was jumping on me putting his small cold wet cock all over me, but I didn't mind. I chased the blonde for a bit, and I think she got genuinely scared at one point when I threw her (violently?) under water. I'd have loved to fuck her.