Day 16: Fantasea

Harry woke up at about 6am, and had the loudest fucking shower I've heard, then started banging cupboards and doing morning stretches. Who the fuck does morning stretches? Fucking anti-kip. So I was awake.

A day in the sun with home made coconut oil left me burnt again. But it was nothing compared to Oscar. His whole back was burnt. Flakes of flesh was peeling off, like chunks of parmesan. Swollen blisters were bleeding, and puss was running down his back. But he powered through it, top off, sitting out in the sun. An old Thai lady, hunch backed, bent over carrying wooden buckets of ice cold palm olive leaves. She rubbed the freezing gel all over his body with her wrinkly experienced hands. It probably did nothing, but it looked and smelt nice.

Then we went to Fantasea. Henry had essentially forced us to go, saying he hadn't gone last time and he thought it would be the highlight of the trip. Fantasea is Thailand's number one tourist destination (apparently), and it wasn't cheap. It was hard handing over 1000 baht, knowing that could be a pro and a meal.

It was Thailand's version of Disney Land. A very shitty version though. Neon lights and loads of gooks taking pictures and doing the peace sign. Why do all Asian people smile and do the peace sign in photos? We went inside walked around for a bit, past game stalls where you could win small cuddly toys, and then went into a sort of zoo except there were only really two white tigers in a cage walking about bored. Then we went for the meal, which was in a huge room with chandeliers and we all had an eating competition (or was I competing with myself?) and ate chips and noodles and cut meats and juicy water melon and maasaman, green and red curry and fish cooked in spicy oil with green beans and chunks of potato, then jelly and ice cream and small pistachio cakes and dark chocolate fudge. The meal made up for the show, which was terrible. There was some acrobatics which were fairly impressive and they made elephants stand on trampolines, but apart from that it was cheesy and annoying. They had Thai-American high pitched voices and it was designed for 6 year old kids.

The highlight was when Imran turned round and said something like 'Why don't you shut the fucking hell up' to a family and their kids behind us.

When it finished, at first we didn't take the piss out of Henry, because he clearly had put himself under pressure by promising that it would be life changing. But it didn't last long, and we told him what a fat selfish wanker he really was. The fucking Henry show.

So we went home, too bloated from the feast to consider mounting a pro, and slept, only half satisfied with the night.