Day 18: Blowie Off a Man

We said goodbye to the 'giggly girls'. A photo was taken with them, and I was standing behind the fit one, and Jonny forced his finger up her arse, making it look like it was me. She turned round half smilingm half disgusted and didn't speak and then we left.

The plane to Bangkok was delayed for 2 hours. There was a storm and I was nervous about getting a small Thai plane in this weather. What made it worse is that it was my turn to have the shits. So a combination of IBS and diarrhoea meant an unpleasant two hours. We sat around, sad to be leaving, knowing that the trip was over. Mo had bracelets all over his arms and legs and looked like a moron. Jonny's sun tan was flaking off. I had hickeys all over my neck and chest. Henry was thinking about his ex. And Harry was thinking of a story he'd make up to cover his back about the pro. We weren't in a good mood and sat in silence until our flight was called.

We got off after a turbulent flight back into the sticky Bangkok air and had a heated debate about where to stay. We couldn't decide whether to go to a cheap hotel in the tourist part, or stay in the Amari Watergate, a 5 star hotel that Imran and Oscar had stayed in.

So we stayed in the shit place and the bed was the hardest I've ever felt, and men with geckos were walking around outside and the room had cockroaches in and was just above a bar, and for the first time since getting here I was a bit pissed with how things were.

We went for a drink in a crammed bar, trying to watch Liverpool vs. Thailand. Then to another packed bar where we crowded around a small table and drank overpriced Changs. Four typical travellers were sitting on the table next to us. Long hair, the men had beards, dirty looking faces, loads of necklaces, a tattoo from their travels, posh traveller accents, they told stories about life and how to live it, and were cunts. Mo managed to get in a fight with the woman. She was from New Zealand, nails, about 6 foot, broad shoulders. She started talking to us and giving us bullshit advice like 'embrace randomness it's the way to life'. What the fuck does that even mean? Mo wanted to rip her throat out in the bar, but we held him back. She taunted him and actually suggested that they take this outside. I'd have loved to see that fight.

I went back to the hotel room. Henry was sharing with me, and he'd gone off to one more bar in a last ditch attempt to pig. Just as I was getting off to sleep, he burst in the room, excited.

'Charlie, Charlie, you awake?'
'What do you want?'
'I've found this bird. Basically she's a man and I know she is. But she, well he, looks like Rhianna, just a little bit taller. So fit. Ask Jonny, he said she was fit as well.'
'She's a fucking man.'
'I know, I know. But that doesn't matter. What do you reckon?'
'What do you mean, what do I reckon?'
'Well, is it weird for me to go for her?'
'You're fucking kidding aren't you?'
'Na man, I wish you'd seen her. You'd feel the same. Ah shit, it's too good an opportunity to pass.'

And with that he left the room.

When I woke up, he was sitting upright in his bed.

'I didn't fuck her. But she sucked me off in a toilet.'
'Was she a man?'
'Yes.'
'You sure?'
'Yes.'

And that was it.